The Difference Between Virginity and Purity

An excerpt from the book, A Memoir of Love. By Jessiqua Wittman

*Names and some details have been changed so the story isn't spoiled!*

Virginity is a stage in life, Purity is forever.

“Did you and Madison have a good talk?” I asked Jenny on the train trip up north.
“Actually we did." She said with a happy looking smile. "I told her what the Lord had told me about the difference between virginity and purity.”
“Really? How’d that conversation begin?”
“Well… the way it all started was we were talking about our boyfriends. Then all the sudden she asked me, “How do you handle it? Knowing that he’s pure and you’re not?”
I felt totally confused and asked, “What do you mean?”
“Your boyfriend.” She said. “He’s never even kissed a girl. But you’re not a virgin.”
“What does that have to do with what we were just talking about?” I asked.
She sighed and was quiet a while before admitting, “I feel guilty about messing around with Reddik. I’ve tried to tell myself it was no big deal all this time, but since my dad and step-mom have got married and I’ve seen how happy they are… I feel really guilty… and like there’s no hope for me to ever be that happy with someone.”
“Why would you think that?” I asked.
“Because my step-mom was a virgin. So she deserved a good guy like Dad.”
“But your dad wasn’t-“
“It’s different with guys than girls.”
“It just is. Everyone thinks so.”
“God doesn’t.”
“Obviously He does because He set her up with him. Even I can’t deny that.”
“So you think my boyfriend is getting really screwed by being set up with me?”
“I’m not so sure God’s the one that set you two up. That’s why I asked you how you handle it. I would think you would feel awful about how… uneven… you two are. I would if I was with a pure guy.”
Her understanding of God and purity and all that seemed so messed up to me I didn’t know what to say. So I sat there and prayed about it a while before finally deciding on how to answer.
“Madison… honestly… I do struggle with it sometimes. He’s been so good to me when I’ve been so rude for so long to him. This relationship does seem very uneven to me in that way. His character seems much stronger than mine and I appreciate all he’s done for me with everything in me. However… God showed me something way back when I was first starting my relationship with Him that made a world of difference to me. It was about the difference between virginity and purity.”
Madison blinked before asking, “Aren’t they the same thing?”
“Nope. Many people are pure and not virgins, and many people are virgins and not pure. Purity is a lifestyle and state of the mind, virginity is a gift and state of the body. You are born a virgin, but you are not born pure. One is given to you, and the other you must obtain. Virginity is easy to define. A virgin is someone who has never had sex. Easy. Not that remaining one is easy. But defining it is. However, how do you define purity? God is pure. But what exactly does the word and idea itself mean?
I used to pray, “Lord! How can I ever erase my sin? Is there any way I can revirginify or something?!”
“No, there’s no way.” He whispered to me. “That stage of your life is over. However, you can be pure.”
“Pure?! How can someone like me be pure?! I’ve passed through so many hands!”
“Your mom isn't a virgin and she’s pure.” He told me.
That made me stop and think. I had never thought of it that way before. Silly isn’t it?
That’s when I realized something profound. Virginity is a stage in life, purity is forever. We are supposed to live purely. It is a lifestyle, but even more than that, it is only obtainable one way.
Any pagan can be a virgin. They’re born that way just like we are.
But it takes God to be pure. He is purity personified. He’s the only one that can dish it out. It only comes through fellowship with Him and following His ways. Like I said before, it is a lifestyle. A lifestyle of walking with the Master. And that… anyone can do.”
Madison was quiet a long time before asking, “Where’s the support for that? How do you know that’s the way God sees it?”
“After I had this conversation with God, that night Dad said he felt like we should move our nightly bible reading from Romans to 1st John. Everything I just said is wrapped up in the first chapter, seventh verse of that little book. The next few chapters talk about it too, but it’s really cut and dry in that one verse.”
“I’ll have to snitch Dad’s Bible and read it.” Madison said very, very quietly.
“Read the whole book.” I encouraged her. “Or better yet, the whole Bible. Then you’ll really know what God thinks. If you read it through the filter of His Spirit, that is. Otherwise it won’t make any sense.”
“How do I read it like that?”
“You just ask Him to help you. And apply what you read. He won’t help you if you don’t take what He says seriously. You can talk and study and ask all you want but He won’t pay any attention to you until you take Him serious.”
“Dad can be like that.” She commented.
“It’s just simple respect. He is God, you know.” I reminded her.”

“So that was that?” I asked Jenny when she paused and seemed finished.
“That was that.” She replied. “I’d never seen Madison so thoughtful and quiet. She’s really changed a lot since I first met her.”
“As have we all.” I smiled before looking back out the window.


  1. I love that! I have never thought about it that way before.. it is especially meaningful to me now.